angry mornings.

i really hate traffic.

i don't mind coming to work, but traffic makes me hate leaving the house in the morning. actually, it might not even be the volume of the traffic itself... it's the way people act in traffic that is so discouraging. i just can't understand. why is where you're going and your time so much more important than my destination and time? so much more important, in fact, that you are willing to slow me and everyone else down to get into a lane illegally, or worse, jeopardize my safety or my life?

well, i cried all the way to work this morning. i actually PRAY my way through the morning commute because i get so angry. and i refuse to yell or give people the finger, so i have a lot of pent up anger. i feel like i try to be so courteous, and NO ONE is courteous in return. and i won't even tell them about themselves. i wish i could be at peace with that.

part of the reason i get so stressed out is because it is very sad to me how little people care about the world around them. and by world, i mean the humans around them. which way are we headed when we couldn't give a damn about our fellow man? what kind of security do we find in the anonymity of a vehicle in traffic, that we are willing to abandon proper and considerate behavior?

and what's with all the baby boomer mini vans that drive THE WORST?! you have KIDS in the car!!!

and what a day for a terrible mood. it's pretty out, and i'm alive and breathing; and that idiot who cut me off didn't cause an accident and life goes on.

anyway i'm really emotional today for some reason. i'm trying to remember that my joy doesn't come in the way people treat me, or in a smooth commute, or even in things going my way. my joy is much more steady than that.

tomorrow just needs to get here so that i can see john and life can be happy again. :)